In the past words for this blog have come easy. Lately they have not.
I write when I am inspired. I write when I am convicted. I write when I am encouraged. But I don't write when I struggling. I don't write when I feel weak and hypocritical. I don't write when I am utterly consumed with myself.
This is about to change.
I am struggling with purity. I am struggling with pride. I am struggling with idolatry.
I have not glorified the Father through relationships that I have had here in Colombia. I have hurt people because of my selfishness. I have not made wise choices. I have increased the number of things I will one day have to share with my future wife.
I want to be a great teacher. I want to truly make this english program one of the best in Cartagena. I want people to notice the hard work we are doing and the lives that will be changed by these efforts.
While not always the most efficent, I work hard for this school. I work hard for the people who gave me this opportunity. I work hard for the kids. I work hard because it's my job and that is what I have been taught to do.
Now reading over this I know many would say that some of these things are not so bad. That every one has done a few things they might take back. That the desire to be recognized is natural. That being driven is admirable. But in this moment of vunerability, I want to say that I am done believing that.
I don't want to be "weak." I don't want to be "self-absorbed." I don't want to be "busy."
I want self-control. I want to be selfless. I want to be purposeful.
My faith is not lost. My faith is holding me together. My glory is not His purpose. My purpose is for His glory. Strength is not by my might. By His might I find my strength.
Does God truly need me to accomplish His will...no. But He has called us to be His hands and feet and for that I am willing. Please pray over these things in my life as I truly want nothing more than to see our Father exalted in everything I do. And sorry that I have let shame keep me away from this blog.
E
I'm right there with you, hermano. I cry out with you and Paul, "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" Glory to Christ that we can also cry out, "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" My sin rears its ugly head far to often, but praise God, His abundant supply of mercies are new every morning! Great is His faithfulness! When we are faithless, He is faithful! Keeping fighting the fight of faith, brother, and know that you are not alone in the the raging battle. I will be praying with and for you in the days ahead. Looking forward to seeing you soon, we will be there in one week!
ReplyDelete"...But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Pilippians 3:13b-14
So happy to see your blog last night, Eric!!! Will try again tonight....:):):):)
ReplyDeleteI was thankful to see that you had decided to "lay it all out on the table"....even though you have not been feeling inspired, encouraged, convicted, etc., .....feeling that you have been totally consumed with yourself.......all of these expressions are just those same old "sin nature" things that we all deal with.......the awesome thing is that you realize that you have come to this " realization point" , and can give it all to Him and He will, in turn, give you the strength to overcome these choices that you feel as if you have selfishly made. The reason for your being in South America is that He has called you to be His Hands and His Feet.....knowing that Eric Sequin is not perfect.....but is God's own man at this time in Eric's life!!!! Blessings on you again, Eric........so THANKFUL that you "gave in" last night and "blogged"!!!!!
Remembering I Thessalonians 1:3 We luv ya!!
I can't wait to see you on Friday and give you the biggest of hugs. I am so thankful for your honesty. Take refuge in Psalm 35:4. Minute by minute and decision by decision for Him is the focus. Bart and I love you and so do your little "nephews".
ReplyDeleteI'm a little behind on reading - blogs and all. Just wanted to say that your comments reminded me of King David. Regardless of his sin (and I'm not in any way relating yours to his), he would always repent and turn back towards God. I admire that your heart is the same! Maybe your story will inspire me to breakdown some of my prideful walls and recognize areas of my life for what they truly are - sinful!
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome, bro! I'm here waiting for you to get on Skype (which I count as a sin, but I'll forgive you...maybe) and wanted to see what was up in Colombia. God is so faithful, man. That's all I have to say. Your heart is in the right place because He has changed you. You care about the life you're living and you're leaning on Him. All I know is that God is faithful and He will complete his work in us despite our frailty. Love you, bro!
ReplyDeleteNow get your ass on SKYPE....NOW!